The Green Stuff
by Mriana
Summary: A humourous story where Spock is teased about avacados and his green blood.


The Green Stuff

"Spock, what are you eating?" Kirk looked at Spock's food with a disgusted look.

"I believe it is Avocado dip and chips."

Kirk took a seat across from Spock, "I never did like that green stuff."

"I was never keen on his blood either, Captain," Doctor McCoy had just entered the mess hall and overheard the last part of the conversation.

"If I didn't know you better, Doctor, I'd say you were upset with me," the Vulcan replied as he dipped another chip into the green glop. "However, I will take your statement as being more of the Human endearment of teasing."

"I can't help it, Spock," McCoy replied. "Someone mentions green stuff, and I think of your blood."

"Actually, Bones," Kirk finally stated, "I was referring to the green goo in front of Spock."

McCoy frowns, "Looks almost as bad as his blood."

"Personally, I like the food. Very tasty for a Human food," Spock informed them.

"Spock, did I just hear a Human emotion coming from you?" Kirk asked.

"No, Captain, I was merely stating a fact. Avocados are very tasty."

"Figures," McCoy looked repulsed. "If every Vulcan ate that, their blood would probably be greener than what it is."

"I don't understand the Human revulsion towards food just because of how it looks."

"It looks like someone has had digestive upset, Spock!" McCoy exclaimed.

"And tastes just as bad," Kirk added with a sour look on his face.

"Don't forget to add that it is slimy," Scotty added with a shake of his head. "Why anyone would dip crisps into them is beyond me! It completely ruins them!"

"Like limes ruin everything also," an ensign suddenly sneered.

Scotty quickly turned toward the ensign and asked as though he had just been insulted, "What's that, me lad?"

"Sir?" The ensign asked as he frustratingly removed a lime from his drink.

"Laddie, what are ye doin'!" Scotty exclaimed. "That's the best part! Even has your vitamin C in it!"

"Scotty, I never knew you liked limes," Kirk stated with surprise. "Here, you can have mine."

"Don't mind if I do, but ya missin' the best part!"

"Curious, I thought the British were the ones who liked limes," Spock asked.

"Whate'er gave ya that idea?" Scotty asked with surprise.

"If history serves me correctly, they carried them on their ships," Spock replied.

"Well, I never knew Vulcan's liked Avocados," Scotty retorted. "I thought it was a Spanish dish."

"He's got you there, Spock," McCoy pointed out to him.

"Touché," Spock replied.

"I still think avocado dip is vile stuff," Kirk stated with revulsion on his face.

"Have you ever tasted it, Sir?" Spock asked.

"Well, not really."

"Then you should try it, at least once, before using such descriptive words," Spock insisted. Then Spock looked toward McCoy and Scotty wondering if they would also try it.

"I go for good old country food," McCoy stated with enthusiasm and patted his belly. "Sticks to your ribs."

Scotty had been sucking on a lime and appeared to have been taken off guard, "Oh, no, Sir. I'm um… full from all the limes I've just eaten."

Kirk could not come up with a good excuse not to taste the green mush in the middle of the table. He reluctantly picked up a chip and then hesitated, "Um, you didn't double dip did you?"

"Double dip?" Spock curiously asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, double dip. Dip your chip, take a bite, and then dip again."

"No, Sir," Spock seemed insulted. "That would not only be illogical, but unhealthy to share with one's friends."

Kirk sighed and then continued to attempt to taste the green food.

"Hold it, Sir!" Scotty stopped him. "Maybe a bit of salt will take away some of the bite."

"Scotty," Spock began to inform him. "Limes and lemons 'bite', as you say, avocados do not."

Kirk ate the avocado laden chip while having a scowl on his face. When he had swallowed, he took another chip, dipped it into the avocado dip, then his coffee.

Everyone gawks opened mouth at Kirk with his last action.

"What?" He asks. "Coffee covers the taste of anything."


End file.
